The Journey.

“So, what’s your plan?” This is the question I’ve been probably asked the most in the last days after leaving my old job. The answer is both exhilarating and scary - “I don’t have one.” Depending on who asks, this might go into “I have a million ideas that I’m working on” or “I have three concrete projects” or “VACATION”. 

The truth is - I don’t have a plan. I have no clue what’s coming. I only know that I couldn’t do what I used to do anymore. Some days I’m super excited because I can finally figure out what I really want, some days I’m so scared that the only valid option I see is watching Agents of Shield on Netflix on repeat. 

And answering this question is hard. Because you see the look in people’s eyes. The (imagined?) pity. The WTF? Sometimes, very rarely, you see excitement. You see someone who’s done the same. Someone who says “how brave”. Then you think - it’s not brave. It’s what I had to do. 

Leaving, leaping doesn’t feel brave anymore. Maybe because it’s over. It feels as if now comes the tricky part. How do you find what you really want to do? Maybe you don’t find it, you’ve already found it. Look at what you do every day, what brings you joy, what makes you so excited you could talk for hours and hours about it. Only problem is - I have a bunch of very, very different things that make me talk for hours. Knitting. Women’s rights and why there’s still so much broken within our companies and society when it comes to women. Cafés and hotels. Being creative. Helping companies. 

The only way I know how to deal with this is to wait. To trust that I will figure this out eventually. That the fog will lift and one (or two, or three) ideas will stay. Until then, I will write about this journey here. I will share the good things and the bad things. Why? Partly documentation, partly needing an outlet (and an audience?), partly because not a lot of people talk about taking this leap and then figuring out what to do. I imagine it might be helpful (and I hope at times inspirational) for people who are thinking about leaping. 

There’s one thing I can already now say for sure. I haven’t felt so much like myself for a long, long time. And this is good.